Just for the record, in response to the sundry comments that have popped up lately:

• I am not for teen pregnancy.
• I care very much about teens and "the future of this country." I also care very much about babies.
• I never said anything about day care being harmful to children, and I am bewildered that anyone thought I did.
  
• I never said that I oppose "using kids" on TV.
  
• Obviously the babies are more or less safe, thanks to the show's precautions, but that doesn't make them any less scared, sad, or emotionally hurt. In other words, the adults know they are safe, but the babies don't!
  

If you want to know why I am so cranky about The Baby Borrowers, read about what I think is wrong with it. And please do actually read it before you accuse me of being ignorant, stupid, or closed-minded.

This post was originally published on Leave the lights on.

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THE CHARACTERS:

• A government concerned with promoting its ideology, but not with protecting free expression.
  
• A minority religious group with radical views.

THE SCENE:
Minority religious group expresses its radical views. These views are in opposition to government's ideology. Government intervenes to curtail religious group's expression of said radical views.

Can you guess where this drama took place?

1. China
2. Iran
3. North Korea
4. Canada

If you said Canada, you are correct! Here are the ugly details:

The minority religious group is the Concerned Christian Coalition and its leader, Stephen Boissoin. The ideologues are the Human Rights Panel of Alberta. Please do not be misled by the name; the Human Rights Panel of Alberta is not particularly concerned with promoting human rights, at least not as they are defined in the United States. The Human Rights Panel of Alberta is in the business of making sure nobody's feelings get hurt.

Enter a third character: Dr. Darren E. Lund. Dr. Lund's feelings did get hurt, as a result of Mr. Boissoin free expression of his radical views. The Human Rights Panel of Alberta does not call Mr. Boissoin's speech "free expression" or even "radical"; it calls it hate propaganda. And certainly, it may very well be the worst kind of hate propaganda; the published decision does not discuss the content of Mr. Boissoin's speech, so the commentator cannot draw her own conclusions.

The Panel does express a radical view of its own in ordering as follows:

That Mr. Boissoin and The Concerned Christian Coalition Inc. shall cease publishing in newspapers, by email, on the radio, in public speeches, or on the internet, in future, disparaging remarks about gays and homosexuals.

Note that the defendants are not prohibited from publishing "hate propaganda" -- only from publicly making "disparaging remarks." The word disparaging means "insulting."

So our neighbor to the north has prohibited insults. Canada truly is a foreign country, since it holds to the concept, foreign to Americans, that protecting noxious speech is not a necessary part of protecting a free society.

This post was originally published on Leave the lights on.

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An update on the countdown:

As of today, Realityworks, Inc. is no longer listed as a sponsor of "The Baby Borrowers" on NBC's website. There are 32 sponsors still on the list.Baby Borrowers sponsors: One down

This post was originally published on Leave the lights on.

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An anonymous commenter on my first post about "The Baby Borrowers" remarked that he or she felt the show is a "fantastic idea." He or she suggested that I "find out just what precautions were taken before these babies were 'borrowed'--- No parents would just willingly hand over there (sic) child for NO money, which I hear is exactly what happened. NO ONE was paid to do this."

So just what is my problem, anyway? Why don't I just lighten up? What about all the good the show will do?

Let's consider:

1. The show will help teenagers.
The show puts unmarried teenage couples into the same house to live as if they are married. It presents this arrangement as socially acceptable and no big deal, which ignores the fact that living together before marriage increases the statistical odds of divorce if the couple later marries. It puts girls in a position to be used by their boyfriends, as in the crude old saying, "Why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free?" You don't have to consider cohabitation immoral to see this as a problem; these kids, while legally adults, are still very, very young to be thrust into an arrangement that is so frequently problematic even for mature adults.

2. It's not TV, it's birth control.
NBC's slogan seems to promise that the TV program is meant to reduce teen pregnancy. It's not; that's a marketing gimmick. It's meant to sell sponsors' products by drawing viewers with the most lurid and shocking content possible -- just like all reality TV shows. Consider this: The first thing you see on the official "The Baby Borrowers" website is a poll about which teen couples stay together. That's not about preventing teen pregnancy. And later in the show, the couples will have to take care of an elderly person. That's not about preventing teen pregnancy. For that matter, having teenage couples cohabitating is not about preventing teen pregnancy.

3. The producers were very careful to make sure nobody got hurt.
Why does the graphic above use the inflammatory word "kidnappers"? Why such over-the-top language? Because I am describing the show from the babies' and toddlers' point of view. As Jan Hunt said in her open letter to NBC, "Sudden removal from their parents and placement with strangers for long periods of time is from a baby's point of view no different than a kidnapping." She continues, "It has been well-established that babies who suddenly lose their primary caregiver can quickly go into mourning and emotional depression." Causing a tiny child, who is just beginning to learn whether adults can be trusted, to grieve the loss of his families does hurt the child. I am sure the parents of the children on the show believed their children would not be harmed, but I am also sure that they are mistaken. I have seen for myself how a baby (my adopted son) grieves the loss of his primary caregivers. There are few things more heart-wrenching than a baby who won't eat because he is too sad.

It is tragic to me that it is too late to prevent the filming of the series. But I take hope in the possibility that viewer response -- or lack thereof (it's all about ratings) -- will prevent another season from being recorded.

Don't watch "The Baby Borrowers"!

Visit Sir Linksalot for more on "The Baby Borrowers."

This post was originally published on Leave the lights on.

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Here is the list of sponsors of The Baby Borrowers as of May 22. Let us see how many of these companies we can harry into dropping their sponsorship. Contact as many as you can, as many ways as you can, as often as you can to express your disapproval. Be firm, but please remain calm, detached, and polite. Rational voices are far more effective than hysterical ones.

COMPANY	PHONE	WEBSITE
Ace Hardware Corp.	630-990-6600	www.acehardware.com
Area	212-924-7084	www.areahome.com
Barbara Cosgrove Lamps	816-221-3461	www.barbaracosgrovelamps.com
Benjamin Moore & Co.	201-573-9600	www.benjaminmoore.com
Born Free, LLC	561-347-8112	www.newbornfree.com
Borup Construction	208-884-1092	www.borupconstruction.com
buybuy Baby	516-507-3410	www.buybuybaby.com
Chicago Cutlery®	800-999-3437	www.chicagocutlery.com
ClubFurniture.com (One Source Plus, Inc.)	888-378-8383	www.ClubFurniture.com
Corelle® Dinnerware	800-999-3436	www.corelle.com
CorningWare® French White®	800-999-3438	www.corningware.com
Finer Frames	208-888-9898	www.finerframes.com
GE ProfileTM Appliances	800-626-2005	www.geappliances.com
Green Dot Corporation	626-775-3400	www.greendotonline.com
Hello Kitty	818-526-0111	www.upp.net
Krups	800-526-5377	www.krups.com
Lamp Works	847-295-7600	www.lampworks.com
Larson Juhl & Artaissance	800-886-6126	www.larsonjuhl.com
Levitz Furniture	212-634-2200	www.levitz.com
Mazda North America	949-341-6195	www.mazdausa.com
MysticMaid®	877-468-0888	www.mysticmaid.com
Playcore-Swing n' Slide	877-888-1232	www.swing-n-slide.com
Pyrex® Glassware	800-999-3440	www.pyrexware.com
Quaker	818-526-0111	www.upp.net
Realityworks, Inc.	715-830-2040	www.Realityworks.com
Revere® Cookware	800-999-3441	www.revereware.com
Rowenta®	781-396-0600	www.rowentausa.com
Simmons Bedding Co.	877-399-9397	www.simmons.com
Smith & Noble	800-248-8888	www.smithandnoble.com/sn/home.jsp
Southwest Airlines	214-792-4000	www.southwest.com
Spinmaster Toys	818-526-0111	www.upp.net
The Stylish Stork	208-336-5655	www.thestylishstork.com
Thumprints	501-225-1542	www.thumprints.com

I will keep track of which companies discontinue their support. And let me reiterate, please, use a rational voice. And it should go without saying that you should not break any laws and should cease communications with a company if they ask you to do so (i.e. no harrassment).

Subscribe to this blog if you would like to keep up with companies dropping their sponsorship.

Visit Sir Linksalot for more on "The Baby Borrowers."

This post was originally published on Leave the lights on.

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There are some television programs that are evil.

Most of these skulk at the fringes of the mainstream, available only on subscription channels, sometimes not available at all except on DVD or the Internet. In general, this blog ignores truly evil shows.

There is one evil show that I cannot ignore. On first impression, its cutely alliterative title, The Baby Borrowers, made me blink and say, "No, they didn't."

They did.

When I first heard about the show a few months ago, I tried to put it out of my mind because it hits very close to my emotional life as an adoptive mother. But I cannot put it out of my mind. As a member of the adoption community, I have a stark perspective on this program, for it recreates the most tragic parts of the complexity that is adoption.

The book The Primal Wound by Nancy Verrier helped open eyes on the fact that separation of a child from her mother is always a tragedy. The parts of Verrier's position as it relates to The Baby Borrowers are devastating:

Every child who is separated from his or her biological mother will experience abandonment and loss.... There will be a difference between the environment of security and safety of being with the mother with whom an infant was prenatally bonded, and the anxiety and uncertainty of being with biological strangers (who [the child perceives] may also leave at any time).... The experience was real. That he does not consciously remember the event should not detract us from this truth. It wasn't a concept to be learned or a theory to be understood; it was a traumatizing experience....

In her writing, Verrier emphasizes the point that the separation of a baby from her biological mother is a traumatic experience. A later reunion, whether years later (as with some adoptees) or just days or weeks later (as with The Baby Borrowers), does not erase the experience. History cannot be undone, and babies remember with their emotions even if they are not conscious of it.

Jan Hunt of The Natural Child Project uses similarly forceful language in her open letter to NBC producers:

Sudden removal from their parents and placement with strangers for long periods of time is from a baby's point of view no different than a kidnapping.... Babies do not have the mental capacity to anticipate the return of a mother who has gone.... As traumatic as this experience will surely be for these babies and children, the effects will not end when they return home.

The choice of adoption is merely the least of several evils in a situation that a mother in crisis finds impossible. The Baby Borrowers performs this evil with two very different purposes: to draw revenue through entertainment, and to promote an agenda born of the culture of death (consider the promotional slogan: "It's not TV, it's birth control.")

Most evil television programs exist on the fringes because our society will not suffer them to enter the mainstream. I am utterly dumbfounded that The Baby Borrowers will air on a major network at prime time.

This post was originally published on Leave the lights on.

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If you are like me, you often forget about perishable food you have bought until it's already spoiled. I like to keep a lot of produce on hand, and sometimes buy "special" cheeses and bread products (like bagels), so this was an expensive problem.

I solved it with a dry-erase board, on which I list all the perishable goodies we have on hand. As I eat or toss out each item, I erase it from the board, and I fill in the new items after shopping trips. It's in a high traffic location, so I am reminded of these things every time I pass by. We have far less spoilage now! (My personal practice is to not list the basic items I try to always have on hand -- celery, sandwich bread, cheddar cheese.)

Actually, this is a dual-purpose board. On the top half, I keep track of items we need, which I copy to a grocery list on shopping day. Any coupons I may have go here, too.

Works For Me Wednesday is hosted by Rocks In My Dryer.